a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So squirting runs in the family.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
