Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need water and some morals
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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