I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
