in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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