You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
