everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
