Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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