I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
