sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
