Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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