You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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