the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
