Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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