i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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