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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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