God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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