i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
