u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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