we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
