we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
