thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
