I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind