I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...