Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.