I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
