It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
