She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
