weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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