i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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