Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
