You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
