everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Success! We fucked roommates!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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