I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
