everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
