i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
