u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
