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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
