why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
