What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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