dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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