Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
