nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
