You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
