She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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