I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
