I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
