she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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