We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
