You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
