we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
