Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
