fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
