It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
