Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
