i would punch a child for taco bell
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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