So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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