you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
