I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
