put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
