yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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