Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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