when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
