I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
