If i come over, it means nothing
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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