Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
